Girls may look:
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
From India, Pune
2A very popular oldie from the net:
"Beer Troubleshooting Tips"
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
From India, Pune
Wah Wah...Venu ..Kya Rhyming main likha hain aapney dear:-P
when my friends are here there is nothing to fear:)
par Jydada mat karna Venu thum CHEER CHEER with BEER:no:
Warna CHAND ke saath saath BELAN bhi Nazar ayega NEAR:wink::icon6:
:lol::lol:
From India, Delhi
when my friends are here there is nothing to fear:)
par Jydada mat karna Venu thum CHEER CHEER with BEER:no:
Warna CHAND ke saath saath BELAN bhi Nazar ayega NEAR:wink::icon6:
:lol::lol:
From India, Delhi
Patanahi yeh Pyas hai.....khas hai ya bilkul Bakwaas hai:-D
Kinut paranthu VENU ne Rhyming maari bahut Jhakkas hai:-P
and Jayant ne attachment lagayi Topclass hai:icon6::icon6:
Issiliye tho VENU ke Paas ek GLASS hai:wink::icon6::-P
From India, Delhi
Kinut paranthu VENU ne Rhyming maari bahut Jhakkas hai:-P
and Jayant ne attachment lagayi Topclass hai:icon6::icon6:
Issiliye tho VENU ke Paas ek GLASS hai:wink::icon6::-P
From India, Delhi
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
-- Anonymous
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Henny Youngman
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
-- Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
-- William Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
-- Hemingway
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
-- Ambrose Bierce
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
-- W.C. Fields
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
-- Michelle Mastrolacasa
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
-- Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
-- Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
-- Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
-- Dave Barry
From India, Pune
-- Anonymous
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Henny Youngman
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
-- Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
-- William Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
-- Hemingway
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
-- Ambrose Bierce
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
-- W.C. Fields
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
-- Michelle Mastrolacasa
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
-- Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
-- Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
-- Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
-- Dave Barry
From India, Pune
Drink and Get Rich:
If one had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air stock one year ago one would have $49.00 left.
With Enron, one would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, one would have had less than $5.00 left.
But, if one had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, one would have $214.00 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Makes One Proud To Be An American!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$
My note:
From India, Pune
If one had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air stock one year ago one would have $49.00 left.
With Enron, one would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, one would have had less than $5.00 left.
But, if one had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, one would have $214.00 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Makes One Proud To Be An American!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$
My note:
The above is an oldie and immensely popular on the net, though with some factual errors. It may be noted that Enron and WorldCom are not available for investing any more. However who cares? The humor is in finding silly reasons to enjoy drinks.
From India, Pune
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