I have been insulted by my boss before my colleagues and sub-ordinates sometimes and most of the time I quit the place without any reaction. Is it correct or should I retaliate with assertive skills?
From India, Coimbatore
From India, Coimbatore
Velu, the first question is are you attracting bosses who insult you? This is a fundamental question because if there is an inner trigger in you which makes people insult you then that has to be first removed.One or two sessions with a trained psychiatrist or psychologist will help you determine this behaviour.Iam saying this because you had mentioned that "most of the time I quit the place without any reaction."
Most mobile phones have a recording device. Next time your boss shouts at you in front of your colleagues, simply record his outburst. Then play it back to him when he is in a mellow mood. Most bosses will be shocked to see their behaviour. Use the time to explain how such shouting demoralizes you and prevents you from being your most productive best.
Whatever be the provocation do not retaliate immediately.Wait for an opportune moment.If after your reasonable explanation still your boss behaves unreasonably, then escalate the issue to his higher ups.
From India, Bangalore
1Most mobile phones have a recording device. Next time your boss shouts at you in front of your colleagues, simply record his outburst. Then play it back to him when he is in a mellow mood. Most bosses will be shocked to see their behaviour. Use the time to explain how such shouting demoralizes you and prevents you from being your most productive best.
Whatever be the provocation do not retaliate immediately.Wait for an opportune moment.If after your reasonable explanation still your boss behaves unreasonably, then escalate the issue to his higher ups.
From India, Bangalore
Hi Velumani
Insults are injuries to one's self respect, even more so if it happens in front of others...
Why don't you talk to your boss about it when he is relatively in sober mood...inform him that such insults are actually affecting your performance and morale...
If it is happening time and again, better late than never and discuss the matter openly with him, and if the behavior continues in the same manner...then as suggested by Shekhar Suresh escalate the issue, but just be prepared that sometimes that can backfire too..
Go to this link...hope it helps..there are people who have shared their own stories and solutions... http://citeman.com <link updated to site home>
Regards,
From India, Delhi
Insults are injuries to one's self respect, even more so if it happens in front of others...
Why don't you talk to your boss about it when he is relatively in sober mood...inform him that such insults are actually affecting your performance and morale...
If it is happening time and again, better late than never and discuss the matter openly with him, and if the behavior continues in the same manner...then as suggested by Shekhar Suresh escalate the issue, but just be prepared that sometimes that can backfire too..
Go to this link...hope it helps..there are people who have shared their own stories and solutions... http://citeman.com <link updated to site home>
Regards,
From India, Delhi
Hi Velu,
Please check if your Manager is reacting the same way with the others or if you are singled out from the rest. If you are singled out for this insulting remarks, just try to understand what sparks his anger towards you. If its outside your performance and something personal like you are the only employee in his team who doesn't speak his mother tongue/ you look better than your manager/ have more admirers than that of your manager/ more knowledgible that your manger ..........then just leave it there.You can then meet him at leisure and ask him which aspect of yours irks him the most. If he is angry yet, take it up with the higher ups. I like your approach here-NO RETALIATION. You can just add SORRY BOSS IF AM WRONG; I SHALL CORRECT MYSELF HEREON-surely this calms their flaring temper against you and helps them to rethink the way they handle you. (This is an outcome of my personal learning and sure it works)
Regards
Jean Walter
From India, Coimbatore
Please check if your Manager is reacting the same way with the others or if you are singled out from the rest. If you are singled out for this insulting remarks, just try to understand what sparks his anger towards you. If its outside your performance and something personal like you are the only employee in his team who doesn't speak his mother tongue/ you look better than your manager/ have more admirers than that of your manager/ more knowledgible that your manger ..........then just leave it there.You can then meet him at leisure and ask him which aspect of yours irks him the most. If he is angry yet, take it up with the higher ups. I like your approach here-NO RETALIATION. You can just add SORRY BOSS IF AM WRONG; I SHALL CORRECT MYSELF HEREON-surely this calms their flaring temper against you and helps them to rethink the way they handle you. (This is an outcome of my personal learning and sure it works)
Regards
Jean Walter
From India, Coimbatore
Well there is no technique on the Earth to get the Boss admit that he has made a mistake OR make him repent OR improve on his behaviour by a subordinate.....believe me you may read thousands on topics on "How To Deal with a Boss" online or in books or articles etc etc........but a bad boss always remains a bad boss.
Now coming to your point....are you interested in knowing how to digest insults by your boss?? OR are you wanting to know how to react to the situation???
If you want to know how to digest insults, start learning to be shameless like so many bosses do in front of their top boss. Thats the way you get paid for hearing insults and humiliation and continue a long career in a company. Put a smile every time you are insulted and if your smiling provokes more insults on you by your boss....learn to say SORRY for no reason at all.....Learn to be Deaf, Dumb, Blind and better still Brain Dead. Practice makes a Man Perfect.
If you want to know how to react to the situation then here it goes:
First find out what makes your boss angry? is it something related to your work performance or attitude? Are you responsible for making him behave such? are you good at the job that you do? are you being made a scapegoat for someone else's mistakes?? Can you rectify yourself and improve on the same?....if you come out clean from most of the introspection then you should now ask your boss what is the reason for him hurling abuses at you and that too in front of other employees? You get paid for doing the work assigned and not for hearing abuses. Report it to the top management with a greviance letter stating the same maybe to HR and any other higher ups. If the higher ups are in favour of your boss and you are sure nothing is going to come out of it and they might retaliate then in that case...............START LOOKING OUT FOR A BETTER JOB. A day's life with dignity is much more than lifetime of disgrace....................rgrds
From India, Mumbai
Now coming to your point....are you interested in knowing how to digest insults by your boss?? OR are you wanting to know how to react to the situation???
If you want to know how to digest insults, start learning to be shameless like so many bosses do in front of their top boss. Thats the way you get paid for hearing insults and humiliation and continue a long career in a company. Put a smile every time you are insulted and if your smiling provokes more insults on you by your boss....learn to say SORRY for no reason at all.....Learn to be Deaf, Dumb, Blind and better still Brain Dead. Practice makes a Man Perfect.
If you want to know how to react to the situation then here it goes:
First find out what makes your boss angry? is it something related to your work performance or attitude? Are you responsible for making him behave such? are you good at the job that you do? are you being made a scapegoat for someone else's mistakes?? Can you rectify yourself and improve on the same?....if you come out clean from most of the introspection then you should now ask your boss what is the reason for him hurling abuses at you and that too in front of other employees? You get paid for doing the work assigned and not for hearing abuses. Report it to the top management with a greviance letter stating the same maybe to HR and any other higher ups. If the higher ups are in favour of your boss and you are sure nothing is going to come out of it and they might retaliate then in that case...............START LOOKING OUT FOR A BETTER JOB. A day's life with dignity is much more than lifetime of disgrace....................rgrds
From India, Mumbai
Dear Velumani,
"A coward dies everyday, a brave dies once in a life time"
I am not sure if you are quiting the place because of some "Fear" or because of you "Natural behavior to not indulge in brawls" - in both cases you are killing your self esteem and allowing others to crush your ego. It should immediately stop in whatever way you want - blunt or diplomatic. If this doesn't stop switch your job.
These behaviors are part of Office Politics like may be your boss is trying to scare everybody else by insulting you (you being the only victim).There can be many diplomatic ways to curb this behavior by boss. Indeed you should read a few books on Office Politics and you can analyse the root cause of the problem. Once such book is "How to win office Politics".
From India, Delhi
"A coward dies everyday, a brave dies once in a life time"
I am not sure if you are quiting the place because of some "Fear" or because of you "Natural behavior to not indulge in brawls" - in both cases you are killing your self esteem and allowing others to crush your ego. It should immediately stop in whatever way you want - blunt or diplomatic. If this doesn't stop switch your job.
These behaviors are part of Office Politics like may be your boss is trying to scare everybody else by insulting you (you being the only victim).There can be many diplomatic ways to curb this behavior by boss. Indeed you should read a few books on Office Politics and you can analyse the root cause of the problem. Once such book is "How to win office Politics".
From India, Delhi
Hello Velumanihrntc,
Before you decide to 'retaliate' or do anything on similar lines, pl go thru what Shekhar Suresh, Archna, Jean Walter & 28677c5420521383353edc6e6 have mentioned & asked for.
First, you need to understand 'why' it's happening & ONLY THEN can you devise/think of 'HOW' to respond--the key here being "RESPOND" & NOT RETALIATE ['retaliate' includes a negative response or 'reaction'...so to say, while 'respond' EXCLUDES negativity].
To summarise what they mentioned in addition to my points, pl give the following inputs:
1] Are you the only one your boss picks up for this treatment/insulting?
2] Since when do you know your boss--as a boss AND as a person/individual? [sometimes proximity makes some to behave the way he does].
3] Are you getting good/OK/bad appraisal reviews?
4] You mentioned 'he insults you', but you haven't mentioned the EXACT context/topic under discussion when such insulting happens. Without getting into the details, can you mention a couple of them? The reason this is important is that 'unknowingly' you may have caused it thru your choice of words or actions.
5] While it's normal for similar situations as a part of office politics, repeated occurrance does need a response--what it can be needs to be figured-out.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Before you decide to 'retaliate' or do anything on similar lines, pl go thru what Shekhar Suresh, Archna, Jean Walter & 28677c5420521383353edc6e6 have mentioned & asked for.
First, you need to understand 'why' it's happening & ONLY THEN can you devise/think of 'HOW' to respond--the key here being "RESPOND" & NOT RETALIATE ['retaliate' includes a negative response or 'reaction'...so to say, while 'respond' EXCLUDES negativity].
To summarise what they mentioned in addition to my points, pl give the following inputs:
1] Are you the only one your boss picks up for this treatment/insulting?
2] Since when do you know your boss--as a boss AND as a person/individual? [sometimes proximity makes some to behave the way he does].
3] Are you getting good/OK/bad appraisal reviews?
4] You mentioned 'he insults you', but you haven't mentioned the EXACT context/topic under discussion when such insulting happens. Without getting into the details, can you mention a couple of them? The reason this is important is that 'unknowingly' you may have caused it thru your choice of words or actions.
5] While it's normal for similar situations as a part of office politics, repeated occurrance does need a response--what it can be needs to be figured-out.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Hi Velu, Insulting means assaulting one’s self respect and social status. please do not tolerate, way the things going on. Pls take proper action, otherwise this may became routine of ur Boss.
From India, Pune
From India, Pune
Thanks for all of you........ Got it........... Work with emotional intelligence and see that it will not happen to me any more..........
Thanks once again for all of your immediate response to my doubt...
From India, Coimbatore
Thanks once again for all of your immediate response to my doubt...
From India, Coimbatore
Dear Velu
I think what ever you do, your boss is not satisfied with you. So that first of all you need to understand why is it happening?
My suggestion is that every day you discus with your boss regarding your job and take suggestion. If you don't interest to sit with him but you try to do for your carrier. After few days you will see good result.
With regards
Pradip Saha
From India, Calcutta
I think what ever you do, your boss is not satisfied with you. So that first of all you need to understand why is it happening?
My suggestion is that every day you discus with your boss regarding your job and take suggestion. If you don't interest to sit with him but you try to do for your carrier. After few days you will see good result.
With regards
Pradip Saha
From India, Calcutta
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