Dear Friends,
Here are some Hilarious Jokes...
Only Pleasure in life….
A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, "But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half."
"Just bring me a size eight."
The sales guy brings them, and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to the salesman and says, "I`ve lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, my business has filed Chapter 11, and my son just told me he was gay. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off."
A better excuse….
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He looks in his rear view mirror and notices a police car with its red lights. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy", so he floors it.
The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy realizes he can`t outrun the cop so he gives up and pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car.
He leans down and says "Listen mister, I`ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I`ll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"
Qualification…!
A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.
"I must say," says the executive, "Your work history is terrible. You`ve been fired from every job."
"Yes," says the man.
"Well," continues the executive "there`s not much positive in that."
"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application. "At least I`m not a quitter."
A captain….
Observing a light across the water, the captain had his signalman instruct the other vessel to change her course ten degrees south.
The response was prompt, "Change your course ten degrees north."
"I am a captain," he responded testily. "Change your course ten degrees south."
The reply, "I'm a seaman first class--change your course north."
The captain was furious, "Change your course now.I'm on a battleship."
"Change your course ten degrees north, sir--I'm in a lighthouse!"
Hurting Knee….
Old man Joe limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Joe, just how old are you?"
"98!" Joe announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . .
Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?"
The old Joe said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it don't hurt!!!!!!!!!"
WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY WEEKEND.....
Manoj.
From India, Calcutta
1Here are some Hilarious Jokes...
Only Pleasure in life….
A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, "But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half."
"Just bring me a size eight."
The sales guy brings them, and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to the salesman and says, "I`ve lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, my business has filed Chapter 11, and my son just told me he was gay. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off."
A better excuse….
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He looks in his rear view mirror and notices a police car with its red lights. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy", so he floors it.
The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy realizes he can`t outrun the cop so he gives up and pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car.
He leans down and says "Listen mister, I`ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I`ll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"
Qualification…!
A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.
"I must say," says the executive, "Your work history is terrible. You`ve been fired from every job."
"Yes," says the man.
"Well," continues the executive "there`s not much positive in that."
"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application. "At least I`m not a quitter."
A captain….
Observing a light across the water, the captain had his signalman instruct the other vessel to change her course ten degrees south.
The response was prompt, "Change your course ten degrees north."
"I am a captain," he responded testily. "Change your course ten degrees south."
The reply, "I'm a seaman first class--change your course north."
The captain was furious, "Change your course now.I'm on a battleship."
"Change your course ten degrees north, sir--I'm in a lighthouse!"
Hurting Knee….
Old man Joe limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Joe, just how old are you?"
"98!" Joe announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . .
Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?"
The old Joe said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it don't hurt!!!!!!!!!"
WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY WEEKEND.....
Manoj.
From India, Calcutta
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Weekend Relaxation-III. pdf
Jokes.ppt