Arvind has given a very practical solution. Try it out!!
Also I would suggest Learn the art of saying "No". Many times when we are trying to look good, we end up in a situation like this. When you are nice, others take advantage. That doesn't mean you stop being nice. Just draw a line and be a professional.
As your boss is aware of the situation, I am sure he'll appreciate your newly found assertiveness.
From India, Ahmadabad
Also I would suggest Learn the art of saying "No". Many times when we are trying to look good, we end up in a situation like this. When you are nice, others take advantage. That doesn't mean you stop being nice. Just draw a line and be a professional.
As your boss is aware of the situation, I am sure he'll appreciate your newly found assertiveness.
From India, Ahmadabad
Niti,
First of all you analyze
(1) By doing work u would like to be in good book of your boss?
(2) U just can't say No to your college. She might feel bad, she will be hurt etc.
Solutions of above:
(1) Forget that by doing (1) you can create a image of good person.
Give better and smart work to be in good book.
(2) If you can't learn to say 'NO', you have to suffer.
There a way without telling even No, make her to stop giving u the work.
While giving a call to canteen, order waht u want.
While fileing, make the filing in such a way that she has to spent more time in rearraging it.
While clipping, change the order of papers.
Show your negativity to make her realize that she has to do her work of her own rather than passing it to others.
Can u think similar way for saturday ?
regards,
-hiren
From India, Ahmadabad
3First of all you analyze
(1) By doing work u would like to be in good book of your boss?
(2) U just can't say No to your college. She might feel bad, she will be hurt etc.
Solutions of above:
(1) Forget that by doing (1) you can create a image of good person.
Give better and smart work to be in good book.
(2) If you can't learn to say 'NO', you have to suffer.
There a way without telling even No, make her to stop giving u the work.
While giving a call to canteen, order waht u want.
While fileing, make the filing in such a way that she has to spent more time in rearraging it.
While clipping, change the order of papers.
Show your negativity to make her realize that she has to do her work of her own rather than passing it to others.
Can u think similar way for saturday ?
regards,
-hiren
From India, Ahmadabad
Hi,
This problem is faced by many people, whether personal or professional life.
You need to learn to be ASSERTIVE. You have to say NO in a diplomatic way. You can always say "I too am busy, it's better if you to it yourself." "If you feel it is a time wasting job, why don't you give it to the peon" etc. etc.
You can even discuss this with your superior and seek his guidance. But it is still not advisable. Learn the skill of being assertive to overcome such problems.
sangeeta 8) 8) 8)
From India, Mumbai
This problem is faced by many people, whether personal or professional life.
You need to learn to be ASSERTIVE. You have to say NO in a diplomatic way. You can always say "I too am busy, it's better if you to it yourself." "If you feel it is a time wasting job, why don't you give it to the peon" etc. etc.
You can even discuss this with your superior and seek his guidance. But it is still not advisable. Learn the skill of being assertive to overcome such problems.
sangeeta 8) 8) 8)
From India, Mumbai
Right Solution..... :)
Assertiveness: How to be more assertive
By
Scott Beagrie
Being assertive is simply the ability to stand up for yourself, state your views, tackle issues up front and, in many cases, stop others from taking advantage.
What is it?
Many people confuse assertiveness with being bossy, overbearing or aggressive. Being assertive is simply the ability to stand up for yourself, state your views, tackle issues up front and, in many cases, stop others from taking advantage.
Why is it important?
Lack of assertiveness will inevitably hold you back in your career and personal life. If there are two managers with similar skill sets and experience, it is likely to be the more assertive one who gets promoted. Being persistently overlooked and sidelined will have a dramatic effect not just on your career, but your confidence and self-image.
While some individuals are naturally more assertive than others, it is possible to learn assertive behaviour which in turn will ensure you are in the frame for new roles and opportunities.
Where do I start?
Be prepared to acknowledge and confront your passive side. Do your opinions frequently go unheard? Have you a problem saying 'no'? Are you too submissive to the boss? Do you find it difficult to set parameters or limits when working with others?
It is important to understand that being assertive is not just about being confident, it is also about understanding others and empathising. "It is about understanding what different individuals want to achieve and which buttons to press," says Julian Dawson, founder of headhunting firm Durler Consulting. "If you find people being defensive towards you, often it's because they feel threatened by you. In those situations, you have to understand that it's not personal."
What do you want to achieve?
Think about your specific objectives. List the non-assertive behavioural traits you wish to change, along with the desired outcomes of a range of situations. For example, successfully negotiating for more resources or a pay rise, getting your agenda discussed in a meeting or telling your manager you want to be considered for promotion or a new role.
Speak up for yourself
Rehearse what you want to say in typical scenarios - follow a script if necessary and say it out loud as this will help fix it in your mind. Enlist the help of a colleague or look for a role model (inside or outside the organisation) who can act as a coach or mentor.
When you feel confident enough, practise in a real situation, but choose one where the stakes are low. Tailor your script to fit the situation and people - this will help to ensure you come across as assertive rather than pushy.
"Make what you have to say come across as relevant to the particular person you are dealing with and make the importance of what you have to say clear," explains Dawson.
Stay neutral
Keep your emotions in check at all times. To remain credible you must come across as calm, rational, considered and impartial. Don't assail the other person with aggressive or attacking behaviour, but don't appear submissive.
Display appropriate body language - gesticulating wildly will make the other person feel like they are on the ropes and is unlikely to lead to the outcome you want.
Feedback and review
Assess your performance in each situation and even if you haven't achieved the objective every time, learn from your experience and don't get disheartened. Mentors are especially valuable in the post-performance stage. Accept that it will take time. A gradual transition to becoming more assertive is far better than giving the impression that you have had a personality transplant overnight.
JSF
flying.machinerotario.com
From India, Bangalore
Assertiveness: How to be more assertive
By
Scott Beagrie
Being assertive is simply the ability to stand up for yourself, state your views, tackle issues up front and, in many cases, stop others from taking advantage.
What is it?
Many people confuse assertiveness with being bossy, overbearing or aggressive. Being assertive is simply the ability to stand up for yourself, state your views, tackle issues up front and, in many cases, stop others from taking advantage.
Why is it important?
Lack of assertiveness will inevitably hold you back in your career and personal life. If there are two managers with similar skill sets and experience, it is likely to be the more assertive one who gets promoted. Being persistently overlooked and sidelined will have a dramatic effect not just on your career, but your confidence and self-image.
While some individuals are naturally more assertive than others, it is possible to learn assertive behaviour which in turn will ensure you are in the frame for new roles and opportunities.
Where do I start?
Be prepared to acknowledge and confront your passive side. Do your opinions frequently go unheard? Have you a problem saying 'no'? Are you too submissive to the boss? Do you find it difficult to set parameters or limits when working with others?
It is important to understand that being assertive is not just about being confident, it is also about understanding others and empathising. "It is about understanding what different individuals want to achieve and which buttons to press," says Julian Dawson, founder of headhunting firm Durler Consulting. "If you find people being defensive towards you, often it's because they feel threatened by you. In those situations, you have to understand that it's not personal."
What do you want to achieve?
Think about your specific objectives. List the non-assertive behavioural traits you wish to change, along with the desired outcomes of a range of situations. For example, successfully negotiating for more resources or a pay rise, getting your agenda discussed in a meeting or telling your manager you want to be considered for promotion or a new role.
Speak up for yourself
Rehearse what you want to say in typical scenarios - follow a script if necessary and say it out loud as this will help fix it in your mind. Enlist the help of a colleague or look for a role model (inside or outside the organisation) who can act as a coach or mentor.
When you feel confident enough, practise in a real situation, but choose one where the stakes are low. Tailor your script to fit the situation and people - this will help to ensure you come across as assertive rather than pushy.
"Make what you have to say come across as relevant to the particular person you are dealing with and make the importance of what you have to say clear," explains Dawson.
Stay neutral
Keep your emotions in check at all times. To remain credible you must come across as calm, rational, considered and impartial. Don't assail the other person with aggressive or attacking behaviour, but don't appear submissive.
Display appropriate body language - gesticulating wildly will make the other person feel like they are on the ropes and is unlikely to lead to the outcome you want.
Feedback and review
Assess your performance in each situation and even if you haven't achieved the objective every time, learn from your experience and don't get disheartened. Mentors are especially valuable in the post-performance stage. Accept that it will take time. A gradual transition to becoming more assertive is far better than giving the impression that you have had a personality transplant overnight.
JSF
flying.machinerotario.com
From India, Bangalore
Yes you should say no to her but in such a way that it should not feel offensive or harsh. You can indirectly say no to your calleague. Theirs nothing bad in saying no and you are not doing anything wrong. Sometimes helping calleaques is a different thing but continuosly being slave to them is not agreeable be professional.
Regards,
Ajitha
From India, Delhi
Regards,
Ajitha
From India, Delhi
ya at times i do feel that i shd start behaving in such a manner but as i wrote we both hav a common boss and we all share a single cabin...so its lik 3 workstations together...so wat ever e tak we tak in front of our boss!!!!!!!!!!! so the problem "saying no in front of our boss to all her silly things"
I WILL NARRATE YOU WAT I DID ON THIS SATURDAY.....THIS SAT WE HAD ONE TRAINING PROG SO, SHE WAS ASSIGNED TO WORK FOR THAT...BT SHE WAS TO TAK CARE OF SOME OTHER RECRUITMENT RELATED WORK SO SHE ASKED ME IN FRONT OF MY BOSS, IF I CAN MANAGE THE SHOW FOR 2-3 HRS....AFTER KNOWING THE REASON...I AGREED TO DO SO....(HERE BOSS WAS NOT AN ISSUE)
BUT WEN I REACHED OFFICE IT CAME TO MY NOTICE THAT THERE WERE ONLY 2-3 CANDIDATES IRRESPECTIVE OF THE FACT THAT SHE TOLD ME...A NO OF CANDIDATES ARE EXPECTED...SO I GOT VERY ANGRY AND I TOLD HER U COULD HAV MANAGED EASILY AS ONLY 2-3 CANDIDATES ARE HERE...TEN SHE SAID SHE IS NT WELL ALSO...ACTUALLY FRM PAST FEW DAYS SHE WAS HAVING COLD BT SHE TOOK LEFT EARLY....ALMOST IN SECOND HALF....AND I WAS EXPECTING THIS ON SAT THAT SHE WILL SAY THIS AND ASK ME TO MANAGE THE ENTIRE SHOW....
SO WAT I DID....BEFORE SHE COULD SAY ...I TOLD HER..KI CHALO U WILL BE FREE BY 1 PM MAX...AND I TO HAV ONE APPOINTMENT WITH DOCTORAS MY SISTER IS NOT WELL....AFTER LISTNEING TO THIS SHE STARTED SAYING....SORRY...I CANT MANAGE THE SHOW...U PLZ CANCEL UR APPOINTMENT...BT I HAD MADE MYSELF VERY DTRONG THIS TIME KI I WNT AGREE THIS TIME....AS SHE WAS PRETTY WELL (HEALTH)..
SO I INFORMED MY BOSS ON PHONE AND LEFT BY 2PM...
SHE WAS VERY ANNOYED...BT I SAID I HAD MY PRIORITY...SO SHE WAS FORCED TO MANAGE THE ENTIRE SHOW...
THE REASON I M TELLING THIS INCIDENCE IS THAT...ON THAT DAY..I WAS ABLE TO SAY "NO" AS MY BOSS WAS ALSO NOT AROND....
I HOPE I HAD MADE MYSELF CLEAR....
From India, New Delhi
I WILL NARRATE YOU WAT I DID ON THIS SATURDAY.....THIS SAT WE HAD ONE TRAINING PROG SO, SHE WAS ASSIGNED TO WORK FOR THAT...BT SHE WAS TO TAK CARE OF SOME OTHER RECRUITMENT RELATED WORK SO SHE ASKED ME IN FRONT OF MY BOSS, IF I CAN MANAGE THE SHOW FOR 2-3 HRS....AFTER KNOWING THE REASON...I AGREED TO DO SO....(HERE BOSS WAS NOT AN ISSUE)
BUT WEN I REACHED OFFICE IT CAME TO MY NOTICE THAT THERE WERE ONLY 2-3 CANDIDATES IRRESPECTIVE OF THE FACT THAT SHE TOLD ME...A NO OF CANDIDATES ARE EXPECTED...SO I GOT VERY ANGRY AND I TOLD HER U COULD HAV MANAGED EASILY AS ONLY 2-3 CANDIDATES ARE HERE...TEN SHE SAID SHE IS NT WELL ALSO...ACTUALLY FRM PAST FEW DAYS SHE WAS HAVING COLD BT SHE TOOK LEFT EARLY....ALMOST IN SECOND HALF....AND I WAS EXPECTING THIS ON SAT THAT SHE WILL SAY THIS AND ASK ME TO MANAGE THE ENTIRE SHOW....
SO WAT I DID....BEFORE SHE COULD SAY ...I TOLD HER..KI CHALO U WILL BE FREE BY 1 PM MAX...AND I TO HAV ONE APPOINTMENT WITH DOCTORAS MY SISTER IS NOT WELL....AFTER LISTNEING TO THIS SHE STARTED SAYING....SORRY...I CANT MANAGE THE SHOW...U PLZ CANCEL UR APPOINTMENT...BT I HAD MADE MYSELF VERY DTRONG THIS TIME KI I WNT AGREE THIS TIME....AS SHE WAS PRETTY WELL (HEALTH)..
SO I INFORMED MY BOSS ON PHONE AND LEFT BY 2PM...
SHE WAS VERY ANNOYED...BT I SAID I HAD MY PRIORITY...SO SHE WAS FORCED TO MANAGE THE ENTIRE SHOW...
THE REASON I M TELLING THIS INCIDENCE IS THAT...ON THAT DAY..I WAS ABLE TO SAY "NO" AS MY BOSS WAS ALSO NOT AROND....
I HOPE I HAD MADE MYSELF CLEAR....
From India, New Delhi
Hi dear
You first of all try to be smart not accepting the work given by her. Be smart but not harsh. If you can not avoid at all and landed up in a situation that you have to do it then just do the mechanical job with poor quality. She can not blame you b.coz it is primarily her job.
remember one thing she can delegate you the work but not the responsibility for quality. So ensure that whenever she gives you work she get a banging for quality/ output time and so on.
ultimately she should feel .. better do it myself.
hope u got me
You first of all try to be smart not accepting the work given by her. Be smart but not harsh. If you can not avoid at all and landed up in a situation that you have to do it then just do the mechanical job with poor quality. She can not blame you b.coz it is primarily her job.
remember one thing she can delegate you the work but not the responsibility for quality. So ensure that whenever she gives you work she get a banging for quality/ output time and so on.
ultimately she should feel .. better do it myself.
hope u got me
Hi :
I am glad you at least tried being assertive.... look it works fine right.
You need to behave in a similar manner a few more times and trust me you will be able to make your point clear. Just want to add one point, just be a little wary with this colleague of yours.... she/he seems to be extra-smart and has an amazing gift of gab. Nevertheless you seem to have a fair amount of idea of her behaviour traits hence be ready with ways to counter her so called requests.
You have already recieved a whole lot of options and you can try one at a time. You may not see instant results but definately the situation will improve over a period of time provided you continue to be firm.
Best of luck !!
Regards,
Asha
From India, Mumbai
I am glad you at least tried being assertive.... look it works fine right.
You need to behave in a similar manner a few more times and trust me you will be able to make your point clear. Just want to add one point, just be a little wary with this colleague of yours.... she/he seems to be extra-smart and has an amazing gift of gab. Nevertheless you seem to have a fair amount of idea of her behaviour traits hence be ready with ways to counter her so called requests.
You have already recieved a whole lot of options and you can try one at a time. You may not see instant results but definately the situation will improve over a period of time provided you continue to be firm.
Best of luck !!
Regards,
Asha
From India, Mumbai
Hey,
I am happy you made a start to be assertive and tell off your colleague.
Make this a habit to draw a line before issues start piling up.
Be professional and learn to say NO. You have every right to object to tasks that you are not meant to be doing.
Keep a watch on your colleague and let her not scurry you into doing her work.
Good Luck!
Regards,
Lily :)
I am happy you made a start to be assertive and tell off your colleague.
Make this a habit to draw a line before issues start piling up.
Be professional and learn to say NO. You have every right to object to tasks that you are not meant to be doing.
Keep a watch on your colleague and let her not scurry you into doing her work.
Good Luck!
Regards,
Lily :)
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