Just Listen
I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me a long time to believe in the power of simply saying, "I'm so sorry," when someone is in pain. And meaning it.
One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Subtly her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer can talk about the relief of having someone just listen.
I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the tissues, until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.
This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I thought people listened only because they were too timid to speak or did not know the answer. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well intentioned words.
From India, Coimbatore
733I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me a long time to believe in the power of simply saying, "I'm so sorry," when someone is in pain. And meaning it.
One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Subtly her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer can talk about the relief of having someone just listen.
I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the tissues, until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.
This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I thought people listened only because they were too timid to speak or did not know the answer. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well intentioned words.
From India, Coimbatore
read something interesting about listening:
a poem by Ralph Roughton which I always keep close to me as it helps me focus:
When I ask you to listen to me and you start by giving me advice, you have not done what I asked,
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin by telling me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to solve my problems, you have failed me.
Listen ! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do...just hear me.
When you do something for me that I can do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
When you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.
Listening helps you to understand and listening is one of the most motivational aspects of management and also brand engagement.
regards,
Cheeni.
From India, Delhi
a poem by Ralph Roughton which I always keep close to me as it helps me focus:
When I ask you to listen to me and you start by giving me advice, you have not done what I asked,
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin by telling me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to solve my problems, you have failed me.
Listen ! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do...just hear me.
When you do something for me that I can do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
When you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.
Listening helps you to understand and listening is one of the most motivational aspects of management and also brand engagement.
regards,
Cheeni.
From India, Delhi
“SAVE PAPER-SAVE TREES-SAVE COST-SAVE THE WORLD”
Can we be more careful while using paper? Please Think!
It’s not only about saving cost but also being responsible to ourselves & nature. Many trees can be saved from slaughtering, even if we take these small measures.
- For all our Inter-Office/Company/Group correspondence we MUST only use old envelopes.
- The blank surface of a non-useful paper can be used as rough pad or for printing DRAFTS.
- Think twice to assess the need & cross-check for errors before giving the “PRINT” command to be extra cautious.
- As far as possible while discussing with superiors or colleagues, do so on the computer (soft copy) rather than with the hard copy for Circulars, Memos, Documents, Reports or publication etc.
- Make maximum use of E-mail /Pen drive while exchanging information and documents.
- Use both sides of the paper for in-house printing.(For external / official correspondence use your discretion rationally.
- Format documents properly in terms of ‘Font size, Spacing, Margins, Paper size and Paragraphs etc. to make optimum use of the printing space.
- Keep a track of print-outs taken every day & self analyze if it was justified. Be sure we do not repeat the same mistakes while printing.
- Wherever possible, address on the Parcels/Courier should be hand-written, rather then pasting an additional paper printout of address.
- Place a tray near the “PRINTER” where in one can drop the wasted print paper. Some other employee can use it for rough print-outs. The blank side of such papers can be used to make rough notepads for our internal use.
- Save documents as ‘Electronic File’ instead of printing multiple copies. Share the hard copy of the document whenever required.
- For internal record purpose, wherever necessary, document can be preserved only as a ‘Photocopy’ rather then taking a duplicate print-out on a ‘letter-head’.
- Wherever possible instead of taking a printout /photocopy of documents, think if it can be scanned & forwarded to the concerned.
Let “SAVE PAPER” be our mission. Let the ‘HR’ family pioneer this & drive it by forwarding this message in the corporate world & even among our friends & relatives. Let the world know we care for it.
Thanks & regards,
From India, Mumbai
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