The Four Components of Nonviolent Communication
NVC: a way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart.
NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions.
NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting.
Observation: A description of “what’s actually happening” as reported by our senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell), plus our “inner” senses (e.g. our inner voice, images, thoughts, etc.).
• Direct, Sensory Experience
• A report of “what is”, free of judgment, criticism or other forms of analysis.
• Specific to time and context.
• “Observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.”
• The trigger of our experience.
Key Distinction: Observation vs. Observation Mixed with Evaluation
Evaluations-“moral” judgments of good~bad, right~wrong, appropriate~inappropriate that tend to be fixed or static.
Feeling: Physical Sensations + Emotions
• All human beings share the same palette of sensations.
• The signals we receive from our body alerting us to the state of our Needs.
• Feelings are composed of physical sensations (e.g. tight jaw, queasy stomach, smile, etc.) and/or emotions (e.g. sad, glad, mad, disappointment, frustration, regret, etc.).
Key Distinction: Feeling vs. Thought
Thoughts-cognitive or mental, including beliefs, concepts, and opinions.
Need: Resources required to sustain and enrich life. (Why we behave the way we do.)
• All human beings share the same needs.
• Needs transcend cultural mores and conditioning.
• Needs make no reference to any specific person doing any specific thing.
• “Values” are generally equivalent to Needs
Key Distinction: Need vs. Strategy
• Strategy-a specific method to fulfill a Need. (How Needs become satisfied.)
Request: An opportunity to contribute to the well-being of ourself and/or others.
• A concrete offering with the intention of contributing to fulfilling a Need.
• Requests are specific actions stated in the positive (what we DO want).
• Immediately doable in the present moment and measurable.
• Open to outcome.
• There are at least three types of requests:
C: Clarity (“Would you be willing to tell me what you hear is important to me?”)
B: feedBack (“How do you feel hearing that from me?”)
A: Action (“Would you be willing to talk about _____ for 10 minutes with me, now?”
Key Distinctions: Request vs Demand; Request vs Wish
• Demands-include a threat of punishment or the promise of reward linked to a behavior.
• Wishes-tend to be vague, future oriented, and non-specific.
From India, Delhi
614NVC: a way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart.
NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions.
NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting.
Observation: A description of “what’s actually happening” as reported by our senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell), plus our “inner” senses (e.g. our inner voice, images, thoughts, etc.).
• Direct, Sensory Experience
• A report of “what is”, free of judgment, criticism or other forms of analysis.
• Specific to time and context.
• “Observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.”
• The trigger of our experience.
Key Distinction: Observation vs. Observation Mixed with Evaluation
Evaluations-“moral” judgments of good~bad, right~wrong, appropriate~inappropriate that tend to be fixed or static.
Feeling: Physical Sensations + Emotions
• All human beings share the same palette of sensations.
• The signals we receive from our body alerting us to the state of our Needs.
• Feelings are composed of physical sensations (e.g. tight jaw, queasy stomach, smile, etc.) and/or emotions (e.g. sad, glad, mad, disappointment, frustration, regret, etc.).
Key Distinction: Feeling vs. Thought
Thoughts-cognitive or mental, including beliefs, concepts, and opinions.
Need: Resources required to sustain and enrich life. (Why we behave the way we do.)
• All human beings share the same needs.
• Needs transcend cultural mores and conditioning.
• Needs make no reference to any specific person doing any specific thing.
• “Values” are generally equivalent to Needs
Key Distinction: Need vs. Strategy
• Strategy-a specific method to fulfill a Need. (How Needs become satisfied.)
Request: An opportunity to contribute to the well-being of ourself and/or others.
• A concrete offering with the intention of contributing to fulfilling a Need.
• Requests are specific actions stated in the positive (what we DO want).
• Immediately doable in the present moment and measurable.
• Open to outcome.
• There are at least three types of requests:
C: Clarity (“Would you be willing to tell me what you hear is important to me?”)
B: feedBack (“How do you feel hearing that from me?”)
A: Action (“Would you be willing to talk about _____ for 10 minutes with me, now?”
Key Distinctions: Request vs Demand; Request vs Wish
• Demands-include a threat of punishment or the promise of reward linked to a behavior.
• Wishes-tend to be vague, future oriented, and non-specific.
From India, Delhi
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Communication.p pt
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Communication Hand Book.pdf